first of all, i have never considered myself to be normal. anyone who knows me will agree that i am:
1)emotional
2)spastic
3)OCD
4)anal-retentive.
i suppose 3 and 4 go together, but i like them separate--is that ok with you?? :)
so it makes a lot of sense that when my main squeeze, midwestsultant, has to make a lot of changes in his schedule--i get a bit testy with the world.
this weekend was lovely--went home to see my mum for mother's day and got to visit with the family. in one regard it did suck though--i missed out on seeing steve. he had been gone the entire week before in training for "the job" and had not returned until after i had left town. (we caught up briefly on the road, but that doesn't count for several reasons.) returning sunday night was nice but since i hadn't seen my apartment (or the kitties) for several days, i figured i should hang out there for at least 20 mins. so by the time i finally got to see steve it was closing in on 10pm with work the next day.
i knew that at some point this week he was going to be heading to new york, so i braced myself for what seemed to be 24 hours that i could spend time with him. yesterday came and went with no indication that he would have to leave at all. 7:30 this morning he gets a call saying that he's expected in long island on wednesday. oy! it's one thing to have advance notice...quite another to flop like that in a few hours. so i went into a slight tailspin (although i think i handled it better than he did). why can't we just have one week of evenings together before the weekly traveling crap starts up again? why?!?
a small conversation over lunch with him indicated that the powers that be have changed their minds yet again and he will be here in good old STL for the week. am i happy?? not really...i'm just waiting for the ceiling to fall in again. why do i do this to myself?? i should realize by now that this job of his is pure crap when it comes to actually spending normal time with the other person. wouldn't surprise me one bit if i got a call in the next 30 mins saying that he was getting on a plane at that exact moment. i'm becoming callused to this...that's scary in and of itself. i expect things to end badly and am a pill to be around during it all.
forgive me, rubber duck.
4 comments:
It sucks when you don't have enough time to spend with significant others. I am lucky that Jason and I see each other as much as we do. That will all change come August when he leaves for San Diego. I'm preparing myself for rough times.
Hrmph.
It can't be as bad as a focus event?
true...the focus event was quite painful. however, i had good company. *wink*
Looks like I'm preparing for this kind of life myself. At least I've not got a significant other at this time. Hopefully I can find one soon that will be somewhat understanding about it. But, once I've put my time in who knows what the future holds for me. Who knows what the future holds for Steve once he puts his time in too. Be patient (preaching to the choir?), and maybe it will all work out.
So say I ... a fellow anal rentitive OCD'r.
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